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untitled #3

2011-02-23T09:57:00.004+08:00

are these the adverse effects of sleeping late? they aren't adverse per se, so i guess i could classify sleeping late as catalysts. i've had this feeling for days now, just bubbling under the surface, but not quite crossing that undefined threshold. my hands have itched to write, to draw, to take photographs and turn them into videos; to create an extension of myself. usually the need would simply quieten under the suppressing nature of slumber but alas, this is not one of those nights. perhaps i just needed some sort of validation, that i am more than the physiological nomenclature, and anatomical terms that i (try to) learn. that i am more than the mind-numbing routine of sitting in lectures amongst the masses, and sitting in the library in between lectures. validation that i, simply, am.

(and isn't that the most selfish thing you've ever heard?)

you are the best part of all the songs i love

2011-02-11T13:50:00.002+08:00

today is the 11th of february, and Shahirah Alyssa turns 16! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY SISTER. i remember how mature and invicible i felt at sixteen, but rest assured that no matter how much older you get, you'll never surpass my level of awesomeness. if you're reading this, (either on this date or at a later date), know that i love you. also, stop being lazy and send me that damn e-mail already! muah muah. so i was looking at some of the pictures we took on my webcam and i think the pictures can be divided into three categories:-

1) us being cute

2) me being cute, you being all jkldsajlkads

3) you choking me

aah good times.

ok i think the fatigue has finally caught up with me. how long can a person last without sleep? theres so many things i need to do, but i just don't have the motivation to do them. i've been such a slacker lately, my groupmates have all these colourful diagrams of the heart and the nerves and whatevernot and all i have are some scribbles in pencils in the sidelines of my books. bah, humbug!

HAPPY 2011!

2011-01-03T03:49:00.001+08:00

realistically speaking, my resolutions for this year is to be happy, to appreciate what i have, take more photographs and to write everyday.

here's to a good year! :D

friends are like potatoes. when you eat them, they die.

2010-12-18T06:28:00.004+08:00

leaving for dublin tomorrow! dear God please bless our journey and give me the motivation to study while on holiday. Ameen. packing must be the most frustrating task ever. how do you pack two weeks worth of crap in a suitcase. howwww.

anyways. im so bored. my laptop's keyboard is slowly deteriorating. a few weeks ago the scrolly thingy wouldnt cooperate. now the left arrow is stuck. and my asterisk is non-existent. the last one is especially a problem, since it's such a a pain in the ass when you need to correct a typo. i'd have to explain that it was a typo, and then proceed to correct the typo. i think if i were with a group of people, stuck in a forest in the middle of nowhere, i'd probably be the first to die, because i'm just too lazy to put in the effort to save myself. har har har

i wish i wasn't so lazy. i also wish i was funnier. scratch that, i wish everyone else had my sense of humour. then i wouldn't have to explain myself for laughing when everyone isn't, i'm too lazy to explain everything to everyone. but yeah, i wish i knew how to tell jokes. i'm crap at telling jokes to people. well, i'm crap at talking to people, but jokes are always a good ice-breaker. or not. it would be rather weird if a stranger came up to you and started telling a knock, knock joke to you.

so bored. the nights are soooooo long. somedays i don't even get to see the sun. partly because england's always so gloomy, but also because i wake up really late nowadays. when i'm bored i tend to crave food, for a lack of anything better to do. i don't think i've sweated at all since i came here. my mum used to be a sprinter. i bet she's disappointed with how my sister and i turned out, we're such couch potatoes.

i think studying medicine makes you lose your competency to write a decent composition. intro, body, closing paragraph are meaningless now.

a photographic memory would be really helpful when studying histology. Y/Y?

2010-12-16T10:57:00.001+08:00

hokay enough of this negative shit.

PATS ON THE BACK FOR EVERYONE. hoorah

hi, how're you

2010-12-12T07:13:00.004+08:00

i think that's the first thing english people ask each other when they see an aquaintance. hi, how're you. except they say it really fast, so it actually sounds haihaa(r)ya, and sometimes it takes a moment to register whether or not they're speaking in English, but yeah. hi, how're you?

i'd usually answer with a quick, "good". and ask them what they've asked me. it's easier than going into details, you know. sometimes i wonder, why did i work for the grades back in IB, SPM, PMR, UPSR, (PTS?). was it really so that i could come here, and study to become a doctor? or study, just for the sake of studying, for the sake of making my parents proud, for the sake of not letting down others. i don't mean to sound ungrateful, but it's something i ponder about.

because i feel so tired. so tired of being sad, and constantly putting up a front about it. so tired of being around people whose company i don't actually mind (most of the time) and still wish i were around people who i actually care about instead.

i'd like to think that i know myself. i know that i like the experience of being in a new and somewhat daunting environment, and i also know that don't make friends easily. usually it doesn't take much to balance these two and i'd somehow manage, but now it feels so...hard. i know everyone feels the way i do, albeit to different degrees, and probably deal with it differently than i do, but everyone else seems to be holding up so much better than i am.

before leaving i thought i could cope with it, but i miss so many things from back home. and i miss so many people, even the ones that i wasn't even particularly close to, to the extent of finding familiar facial features in strangers.

summer feels like a lifetime away.

fact:

2010-12-09T07:17:00.002+08:00

you can't depend on anyone for anything.

terms and conditions applied

2010-12-01T04:28:00.002+08:00

orang yang duduk overseas for the first time memang emosi senang terganggu ke? i feel like such a girl. or specifically speaking, perempuan yang suka melayan perasaan. bodohbodohbodoh.

lately, i feel so self-absorbed. and i hate myself for it. (there i go again, fikir pasal diri sendiri je.)

opgelet!

2010-11-22T05:33:00.003+08:00

have you ever had one of those instances, when in the shower, you don't remember whether or not you've lathered yourself with soap? and you stand there, trying to remember if you have, and contemplating whether or not you should spend 2 minutes washing yourself because you're already late. but then you get really frustrated because you've already spent more time thinking whether or not you should wash with soap, than actually washing yourself with soap. so in the end you wash yourself really clumsily, because you wouldn't feel good otherwise. and by then you really really are late. gaah!

so i'm kind of stuck in that situation right now. i mean, not literally, obviously. but the general direction my life is taking, is kind of like standing in the middle of the shower, stuck between two choices. (i don't know why this is starting to sound really profound hah!)

hmm dee dum. semalam balik dari leicester, tidur pukul 9, bangun pukul 5, online sampai pukul 7ish, buat nota sampai 9ish, shopping till 4ish. it works pretty good, actually. the early to bed, early to rise part, i mean. not the part about general time wasting, nooo. the plan today was to sleep early, and wake up early tomorrow morning before lectures, but well, i guess it's a tad bit late for that?

thus! from now on, i vow to:

I) cover all, ALL, lecture notes before ~~winter break.~~ 18/12 (dublin and beyond yaww!). ini adalah supaya boleh berjalan dengan tenang (or gila-gila, depending on how you view it). lepas ni nak try tidur kat library lah, since it's open 24 hours now. bajet budak medic hardcore.

II) reply to text messages/emails promptly. nak avoid orang jadi bengang, malas nak layan drama pls

III) not shop anymore. till boxing day, that is. MUAHAHA

IV) try my hardest not to sleep during lectures.

V) actually follow the goals i've set.

besok nak pergi city and tukar jeans boleh tak. accidentally bought the longer-legged ones. bootcut, skinny, super skinny, boyfriend cut, regular; 28", 30", 32", 34"; sizes 00 to god knows what. susah la negara orang putih ni.

kantoi satu, kantoi semua.

2010-11-15T05:18:00.005+08:00

it's a good thing i use the same password for everything.

kadang-kadang rasa menyampah dengan diri sendiri. bila lapar, bukannya nak masak (sebab terlalu malas). bila rasa sunyi, bukannya nak pergi buat kawan. bila ada assignment, bukannya nak buat. perangai tak berubah-ubah. sometimes there's just this big build up, an excitement that is supposed to paramount to a wonderful climax. fireworks, and the whole shebang. kononnya a new scenery will bring new and welcomed changes. but the truth is, everything's essentially the same, and although the familiarity is comforting, it's also a little disappointing.

why is it that every time i decide to write an entry, mesti masa tengah emotional. it gives a skewed view that i am a really emotional person. contrary, i'm not, i'm rather heartless actually. ha. ha. ha. today is the 14th of november, in a few days it will mark two months of me being in the youuu-kayyy. in a few days, it will also be eid ul adha. tipulah kalau cakap tak sedih. padahal masa kat malaysia, time kena balik kampung mesti nak merungut- kat kampung tak ada internet lah, kena beratur panjang pagi-pagi untuk mandi air sejuk lah, kena buat kerja kat dapur lah. hah, i'd trade this with the chaos of being with family any day.

OBVIOUSLY judging by how this post is kind of all over the place, it should give you an indication of my current state of mind. ie, not very well. please excuse me while i wipe the tears before they seep into my keyboard because it would not work out very well for me if my computer decides to malfunction before i finish researching my behavioural science assignment. sekian, berita.

edit- blogger is still on malaysian time. sedih tak terkata-kata.

"i love humanity, but i hate people"

2010-08-15T16:26:00.003+08:00

somehow, i feel out of the loop. the feeling comes and goes, but it's there.

i'm ready for something new. now, preferably.

i hate bureaucracy. (i guess some days i hate a lot of things)

tiang gol /goalpost

2010-08-06T00:18:00.004+08:00

things i want to get done/do in the near future/make a habit out of:

01. learn to play Yann Tiersen's "l'absente": listen on youtube!

02. take more photos, read more books, listen to more music, try to smile more and be (more?) polite to people (especially strangers), catch up with friends

03. do well on my driving test and pass? whooo. oh, and exercise!

04. become a better family member and overall better person; help prepare yah for her PMR later this year, clean the house on a daily basis (and not sporadically, when the mood comes) because it makes mummy happy, tell abah that i love him more often, ~~no more~~ lessen amount of time spent doing nothing or nothing beneficial, khatam once again before Syawal

i almost feel like posting a picture of me smiling, just to illustrate just exactly how i'm feeling. these past few weeks, have been wonderful. as hollywood as it sounds, it feels like i'm rediscovering myself, stripped of the expectations and pressure and just the excessive load of whateverness. alas, i'm lazy, about the picture, i mean, and i suppose it's enough that i mentioned my intention and hopefully will be reflected in my actions.

i guess i've been denying it, but i think i lost a bit of myself in college. towards the end i realize how much dependent on other people i became to the point (where i consider) being clingy, how snappy i became, the many many excuses i made to others and myself, how much wrapped up i was in my own so-called problems. yes, sometimes stress does that to you, and maybe that's how i deal with it.

but now i know that it was a temporary thing, and i wasn't slowly transforming into a monster. well, hopefully. haha! i do have to thank the college in the middle of the kelapa sawit fields for giving me valuable insight on people, my own behaviour, and the higher power. so i guess it wasn't a total waste on me, MARA.

rating to be advised

2010-08-01T19:06:00.003+08:00

this one morning, we were fifteen or sixteen (can't remember much of the details) and the teacher wasn't in yet, we decided to go to the toilet together (the way girls always do). the one near the sick bay, it was a little far from our classroom, but we had our favourite cubicles. let's make music together, that's what you said. there's no reason why i should remember this, probably because it's such an insane thing to say when you're about to pee, but there you go.

i like high school. well, the bits and pieces that i remember, that is. which is, sad to say, not very much; my memories fail me, but sometimes they come vivid as sunshine.

what i've learned about old friends is that, no matter how much you think you've changed, there's always that person who keeps you grounded. and for that, i am Thankful.

(weird way to restart blogging, but HI all the same!)

microwaved food!

2010-06-09T00:24:00.003+08:00

it has been a while. surprise, surprise. i don't know what made me suddenly sign in again, considering there was really no need to. i mean, there's really nothing that i need to share, and there's really isn't an insane need for me to write or anything. but yeah anyways.

exams are over! IB pretty much ruined me! i may need therapy!

so i was reading my past entries from the past two years or so, and damn was i emotional OR WHAT. and i used to think of myself as someone more composed than that. and more often than not, whenever i wrote an entry, 90% of the time it was me whining about something or someone. kinda makes you (and by you, i mean me) think. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME. whoaa. and although i complain about IB a lot, It isn't really what gets on my nerve. i think i can deal with crazy syllabi, thank you very much. KMB totally fucked me over, dudes. i guess when i'm in a better, more rational mood i would balance it with all the things i've learned (about myself, and others, and Life sortof) and maybe i'd call it "growing up" but you know, none of that now.

yeah, don't know why i'm suddenly angry (is it really anger?). it has been almost three weeks since college ended. malam-malam buta pulak tu.

but i digress. if my memory serves me well, i think the reason i opened this window in the first place and wanted to write this post is probably to say, i guess i won't be writing in this blogspot anymore. it's not the end of my blogging days, i will be scouring the web for other worthy sites to grace my presence with. i guess i just feel like i can't really be myself here anymore, and yeah it may sound like the plot of a messed up script for a messed up indie movie targetted for messed up people, but there you go. if you can't be you, what's the point?

guide to being awesome, tip #143

2010-02-11T03:58:00.002+08:00

the answer to all your problems:

when you say you want to stay up finishing your TOK essay which is due very,very soon, DON'T sign in to facebook, gawk at other people's more interesting lives (outside of KMB, no doubt), stalk the blogs of people you don't know (but wish you did), and only start thinking of doing your essay at 4AM when you're already feeling sleepy (and a little scared of the sounds you hear outside your room).

cheers!

hypothesis:

2010-01-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

everyone's someone's social experiment

take knife, and proceed to stab. repeat if necessary

2010-01-17T00:41:00.002+08:00

the truth is, i can't be bothered anymore. the only regret i have is probably dissappointing those who have (had?) hope (in me, i guess. if that's even appropriate)

anyhoo. i thought people are suppose to go through this feeling-like-crap-continuously-and-taking-it-out-on-other-people phase was something normal humans go through in high school. THIS IS ANNOYING

the earth looks better from the sky

2010-01-02T00:09:00.003+08:00

i guess i'm a little late on the "goodbye 2009, it's been good knowing you" post. alas. 2009 has been really good. albeit, there were the wonderful shit, and also the shitty shit. but you know, there was a lot going on. i'm not going to say there was never a boring moment (cough weekends in KMB cough) but it really did keep me on my toes. big thanks to all of you who were a part of my 2009, it never would've been the same otherwise. :)

here's to a more crazy, emotional, fun, suicide/pulling out of IB contemplations, late nights, too early mornings, lame jokes in 2010. ze future awaits!

ded

2009-12-26T21:02:00.008+08:00

the other day, my aunts were discussing how my cousin (17, post-spm, ready to take on the world etc) should get a job and/or get his driving licence. they want him to do something "useful" between now and enrolling into tertiery education. i say, chillout pls. being a vegetable for six months straight is a once in a lifetime experience everyone should have. that was what i did, and although i felt like an idiot when college came around, i sure didn't regret not partaking in serving ungrateful people their food overcooked with oil at fast-food joints which pay me RM 4.50 per hour. don't get me wrong though, i admire those who could get their butts out of bed at an ungodly hour, i was just too l a z y.

today i woke up in time for lunch, watched a kids' movie on HBO, read some fanfiction (harry potter!), played a stupid computer game, spent an insane amount of time under the shower, did the laundry, oggled at Yann Tiersen and his six iPhones, and rolled my eyes at the world. IT FEELS GOOD TO BE ON HOLIDAY!

but i think i'm gonna have to whip out the statistics whatever ~~tonight~~ ~~soon~~ tonight cos being on the internet, is too easy. i mean, an hour turns into two, which turns into four, which turns into...you know. my back and eyes are starting to hurt. also my mum commented on how much of doing nothing i've been doing, which is usually directed towards my sister. so this is new and it makes me nervous. someone stay online with me tonightttt pleaseee. (irrational use of multiple letters convince you to obey me)

p/s: want new pair of shoes

woof

shut up, i'm with the band

2009-12-24T22:37:00.003+08:00

2009's almost over? wtf i think my head is going to explode.

oh yeah. found out today that my jaw's dislocated/joints at my jaw are inflammed from wearing the crazy invinsible retainers. kind of crazy! i knew i couldn't trust those things, they made me nervous from day 1. also another thing that makes me nervous- suspicious looking people wearing sunglasses and carrying bulky bagpacks on the train. on another note, i have an irrational longing to spend money.

and since it's december 24th, happy celebrating christmas! enjoy the food, the music, the lights, and the company. xx

the (our) past;

2009-11-28T19:18:00.002+08:00

my atuk :)

is the acoustic version of your favourite song still considered your favourite song?

2009-11-26T19:21:00.003+08:00

so i guess i should start off with a big SORRY. to everyone. i know i've been a constant no-nonsense, grade-A, slap-deserving bitch of monumental proportions for the past few weeks or so. i honestly don't know what happened. sometimes you just lose yourself, you know. and it's ugly and uncomfortable, but there's really nothing you can do but to ride it out. i guess that's what a hangover is supposed to feel like. i don't know what being nasty has to do with having a hangover, but there you go.

i'm glad we're given a few days off. i was starting to get annoyed with...everything.

in light of recent ah, events, i've realized that some things about me just have to change. specifically speaking, i need to talk more. i honestly don't usually have the urge to report to anyone about what i did that day, what i ate, what i thought about that test or whatever, but i guess it's a good place to start. the small things, i mean. before moving on to the bigger things, to the orbit-changing, heart-tugging matters. because i realize now that it is necessary. talking to others. for me, because i often now feel like i'm about to explode under the weight of it all. and for others, because sometimes it is important to let people know the little things, even if it is just to return the favour. and also because i don't want to seem like a bad friend because i don't tell them stuff. i never had the intention! it's just hard. for me. to, you know, tell stuff. not good with talking and all that. but yeah. i just want everyone (you) to know that i do feel things. wonderful things, unimportant things, bad things, it's just that i don't verbalize them too often. but it doesn't mean it isn't (wasn't) real.

okay. that was a long paragraph. i doubt anyone read that, but in any case: thanks for reading. and selamat hari raya aidiladha, have fun spending time with family. (and here i am, thinking, this is the last time i.... but i should just. stop. and just do. because nothing else matters anyway. the future, it's an uncertain fickle thing.) happy studying as well! which reminds me, i have no idea where my biology notes are. it is distressing, to say the least.

it

2009-11-08T20:29:00.002+08:00

i realize and understand that everything i say and do can and will be used against me in the court of law. (or by my peers, to coerce me into doing something i might regret)

-

anyhoo. EE still not done, have not prepared for IOC, do not understand maths, written task??, lab reports galore, but still alive and kicking!

okay, so here's the thing,

2009-10-30T18:08:00.002+08:00

i know now that i could have/should have done something more. i probably should have told you more things, shared more, smiled more. maybe i should have taken the time to be the one to start, to initiate the random conversations like you usually do.

now whenever i see you, i wish i had the courage to ask if everything's okay with you, if i did anything wrong (because i want to fix it), but the words never leave my mouth.

what happened to us?

happy to report that i have finally found to mood to face the assignments.

2009-09-27T16:09:00.002+08:00

SOMEONE HAS SUCCEEDED IN DOCUMENTING MY LIFE STORY!

turn that frown upside down! :D:D

2009-09-27T00:56:00.002+08:00

i think i have found the secret to living a happy life: good company, good food, and sufficient rest.

spent the whole day with 25 people whom i call family. call me a happy girl! :):)

extremely loud and incredibly close, by jonathan safran foer

2009-09-25T16:10:00.001+08:00

We need much bigger pockets, I thought as I lay in bed, counting off the seven minutes that it takes a normal person to fall asleep. We need enormous pockets, pockets big enough for our families, and our friends, and even the people who aren’t on our lists, people we’ve never met but still want to protect. We need pockets for boroughs and for cities, a pocket that could hold the universe.

Bergossip di Pagi Raya (unscripted)

2009-09-24T20:53:00.005+08:00

starring: iman, syamil, syabil, & alif. not forgetting, mak long.
(ages 8, 6, 8, and 5 respectively)

ah, to be young. (:

dear all,

2009-09-18T17:44:00.002+08:00

have yourselves a wonderful raya!

jaga diri apabila berjalan raya, makan biar bersederhana (nanti kena ejek. by me, of course), jangan emo apabila budak-budak bising datang rumah minta duit raya, layan perangai cousin-cousin/mak cik/atuk dengan baik, main mercun jangan sampai terputus tangan & nyanyi lagu raya jangan sampai menyakitkan hati (dan telinga) orang lain :)

sincerely, i apologise for any wrongdoings. kalau ada tersilap cakap, or cakap with the wrong tone, or cakap the wrong thing at the wrong time. kalau ada terbuat apa-apa yang menyakitkan hati atau menimbulkan rasa emo, atau rasa macam nak jerit-jerit dan tumbuk orang yang berdekatan, tolong maafkan. sorry, tak sengaja! maaf zahir batin, inside out, outside in.

to those celebrating raya in a different land this year, enjoy banyak-banyak okay! and to those flying off during Syawal, have a safe trip. i'll miss yous lots! wait for me to come next year, InsyaAllah. :D

love,
Sarah

how strange, innocence

2009-09-14T11:55:00.005+08:00

i'm not implying in any way that college is easy; i have no idea what's going on in class most of the time this semester. but i just think that the problems in high school were more profound, somehow. now, they're just petty.

p/s: don't know why people insist on asking me whether i've started on homework so early during the holidays. i'd rather rot my brain watching tv.

there's nothing you can do that can't be done, nothing you can sing that can't be sung. all you need is love! or so say The Beatles

2009-09-05T21:39:00.008+08:00

i still don't know which is worse - coming across as rude for not initiating small talk, or being pretentious for initiating small talk with someone i really don't really want to talk to just to avoid the awkward silence.

hmm. a dilemma harder than the IELTS speaking module.

isu nak cakap, tak cakap aside, am still looking forward to raya. hopefully there's less family drama this year ;(

ANYWAY,

why didn't i go back home this weekend? so bored.

the similarities between attempting maths IA and dying

2009-08-29T14:11:00.004+08:00

brief intro: The Kübler-Ross model describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people allegedly deal with tragedy. The five stages are- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

I) Denial - "it's ok. hari ni rehat. besok baru start. bukannye banyak pun!"

II) Anger - "JKADK&*AKJDS798^%!! WHAT IS THE CONJECTURE FOR THIS?? ARGH

III) Bargaining - "kalau the deadline is extended seminggu lagi, i'll figure it all out. really. really really."

IV) Depression - "what's the use? i'm never going to figure this out! mopemopemope"

V) Acceptance - ???

what day is it today?

poof!

2009-08-27T17:26:00.003+08:00

this would be us - esya, di and i - attempting to do work during the holidays. all was well, for about two hours or so.

after that, esya went upstairs to watch True Blood with my sister, di fell asleep, and i layan-ed some stupid game on yahoo.

HELP

i am so bored without Facebook

2009-08-06T15:48:00.004+08:00

this is pathetic.

anyhow. this antibiotic is making me feel all kinds of funny. for the record, this is the first time i've been sick and been given two courses of antibiotic. antibiotic dari Banting tak berkesan! says doktor dari Shah Alam. and she asked me to pop three capsules a day for the next five days. it's really frustrating, because the ones i got from the klinik kerajaan in banting were really HUGE (massive, really big, ginormous, etc) and made me want to throw up everytime i had to swallow them. and now, the capsules aren't half bad, but they have a weird smell which i am not too fond of.

but on the bright side, i do not have that deadly flu. my neighbours do, though. and we're being the cliche bad neighbour, not visiting or popping by to say hello or whatever. apparently "being in contact" doesn't actually mean being in contact. but more like, being in 1 metre radius of The Infected Ones. i wouldn't have known that it the doctor didn't tell me. see? this is just the kind of thing that makes people confused.

you have a high fever!/you have a fever of 39.7 degrees!

you could go for an x-ray!/go have your x-ray taken now to check for pneumonia!

now you know why i'm such a big advocate for using the right terms and correct grammar when speaking (and writing). BAD LANGUAGE KILLS!

---

totally beside the point, but what homework do we actually have? my mind hasn't been in school for the past two weeks; i have no idea what's going on most of the time. ughhelpme

i vow to sleep less from now on

2009-07-26T12:46:00.002+08:00

yesterday i was walking around one utama with my mum and there were salespeople wearing CAN I COME CLOSER t-shirts, and at that moment i really, really wished i had a I DO NOT WANT YOU IN MY PERSONAL SPACE t-shirt

:)

2009-07-25T21:39:00.001+08:00

nobody can save you but
yourself.
you will be put again and again
into nearly impossible
situations.
they will attempt again and again
through subterfuge, guise and
force
to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly
inside.

nobody can save you but
yourself
and it will be easy enough to fail
so very easily
but don’t, don’t, don’t.
just watch them.
listen to them.
do you want to be like that?
a faceless, mindless, heartless
being?
do you want to experience
death before death?

nobody can save you but
yourself
and you’re worth saving.
it’s a war not easily won
but if anything is worth winning then
this is it.

think about it.
think about saving your self.

"nobody but you", Charles Bukowski

my brain is kind of like a Pensieve, only less sparkly and more sticky

2009-07-18T20:01:00.003+08:00

m frustrated. with. EE.

have written 235 words since the weekend started. it doesn't even make up to a whole page. not even with double spacing. i think what's making the bad worse is the fact that i don't even remember what my RQ is :)

yesterday i only saw about 1 hour of sunlight, which was when i went down to the dining hall to eat lunch and dinner. 3 hours were spent in a classroom with tinted windows during IELTS. it was super hazy anyway so i don't think it counts. slept the whole afternoon and evening because i was tired and sleepy for no apparent reason, and i would've continued sleeping if it weren't for a bunch of people having a picnic right outside my window. whywhywhy i dunno. at night i started and finished reading Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. it's really good, in a i'm so misundersood, the world is out to get me, oh wait i'm actually the son of Poseidon and i have to save the world lalala. no i'm kidding. i really enjoyed it. i don't know where i got it from, or i forgot where i got it from, because it was suddenly in my thumbdrive, so. speaking of my thumbdrive, i think it has been eaten by a virus or something, because there's this weird application which is sometimes there but sometimes it is not. it's very scary. there is a cicak on my floor whywhywhy i dunno.

what i learned this weekend: it is not wise to procrastinate! especially on 4000 word essays! because you will have trouble answering to your supervisor who told you eons ago that she wanted the first draft on 20th july!

also: do not eat nasi lemak ayam right after you've ~~jogged~~ walked around the jogging track one and a half times. that's just stupid.

ignore me

DARE to dream, as they say

2009-07-15T23:54:00.003+08:00

some things in life, are heartbreakingly sad. like losing your GDC, disappointing people, a friend say 'i think we're falling apart' indirectly, suffering from lack of sleep, having a hi-bye friend, people around you falling sick, etc

but other things, are so wonderful that your toes almost curl. like two words; "i understand", sharing macaroni, seeing two people genuinely happy together, a friend changing for the better, putting your music on shuffle and all that plays are happy, upbeat songs, typing up lab reports that are only one day late (!), etc

i was the one who was supposed to thank you, and not the other way around. thankyouthankyouthankyou:) we're going to make it, insyaAllah. ♥

tonight, i'm feeling hopeful.

light up, light up

2009-06-30T00:14:00.003+08:00

i don't want to compete with someone who doesn't even want to be in the race. because, truth is, either way, you'd lose. and as a friend, i'd rather not see you falter that way.

words fail me.

butterflies and hurricanes

2009-06-09T15:30:00.005+08:00

is it just me or is everybody between the ages 17 and something months - 19 and something months either
I) having exams
II) away at camp
III) out holidaying in penang/singapore/jakarta
IV) busy doing homework
V) bored at home

two guesses as to which category i fall in.

IWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAY
IWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAY
IWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAY
IWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAY
IWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAY
IWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAYIWILLFINISHMYSTATSTODAY

postcards from far away

2009-06-05T00:09:00.008+08:00

(running barefoot on the beach at night, when it's pitch dark with a thunderstorm looming ahead is the most surreal experience i've ever had.)

all in all, the trip can be summed up in three words: i had fun. and our bus wasn't involved in any road accidents, so that's a plus!

last call

2009-06-01T19:13:00.002+08:00

off to terengganu in a bit! pray for my safe return :) i do hope that the bus doesn't suddenly experience a flat tire in the middle of the karak highway, and all the passengers are forced to step out of the bus in the middle of the night, and someone doesn't get any funny ideas about stealing my bag, and i don't decide to chase after the stranger when on the side of the road, and me being clumsy trip on a rock and needing medical attention.

sekian, wassalam.

so this is growing up

2009-05-31T19:01:00.008+08:00

dear you,

i hate that it feels like i barely know you anymore.

i miss you, buddy.

-S

-

2009-05-26T16:34:00.001+08:00

i hate people, i hate gatherings, i hate people at gatherings, i hate gatherings with people.

termite

2009-05-21T20:32:00.003+08:00

hee hee hee hee hee hee

i wish my back would stop aching so i can start enjoying myself now. i think this is God's punishment to me for stealing cabinets.

in other news, i would just like to state for the record that seeing my sister study is making my head hurt. my little sister, who in my mind is always playing with her made-up games and her little notebook jotting down random sentences. but seeing her read stuff about the amount of rain in kuala pilah brings out my sadistic side. i can't help it.

so. hot.

2009-05-16T15:59:00.005+08:00

you know, i'm always adamant about eating my food after i've kept it in the fridge that the whole block shares because there's always this weird smell that comes along with it. but when my brain feels like it's about to split into four equal quadrants just like the unit circle and my roommate is even more emotionally unstable than i am and it's so hot and the library's over-crowded and i keep replaying awful stuff in my head like i'm diseased and i'm yearning for some fast food, chocolate is chocolate is chocolate. with or without the weird smell.

nice knowing all of you.

THIS IS A SIGN OF IMPENDING DOOM:-

2009-05-13T21:40:00.001+08:00

i am online on the eve of a very important examination.

i hate technology.

you're better than a lighted candle in a dark room

2009-05-03T01:19:00.002+08:00

I) in a line at a kenduri, getting free food;

me: sooo. are we related to the bride or the groom?
abah: beats me. *takes bowl of cendol gleefully*

II) during a late night drive, while listening to U2;

me: kalau we get to hear this song live, mesti rasa macam...macam...
mummy: macam nak terbang
me: yes, exactly.

this is exactly why i needed to come back home for the weekend

cheer up kid, every cloud has its diamond platinum lining

2009-04-12T15:25:00.003+08:00

I) kerja banyak blah blah blah tak cukup masa blah blah blah stress stress stress blah blah blah tak selera makan benci kat no one in particular blah blah blah

life is dull.

and frustrating. especially when the clothes you send to the dobi needs FOUR WHOLE DAYS to be completed, and it never stops raining even if you had the strength and patience (and the right mind)to wash them by hand.

II) i wonder if i were a different person, (or the same person with a different personality,) would i have the courage to scream and shout at all the shit that's bothering me. but i'm not, so instead i watch boys in the music room sing their heart out and headbang and jump around with their bass guitars and listen to loud songs because when i do, it feels like the burden's on them. but it's evenings like these when the rain is so so loud and the drizzle comes through the old windows and splash a little bit on my skin that i realize how much my heart hurts.

(i don't want to talk about it, so don't make me)

t minus 20 hours

2009-03-21T19:45:00.003+08:00

back to kelapa sawit land tomorrow. here's to a fresh pile of endless lab reports, trying to figure out the concepts behind math, attempting to stay awake during bio, crossing fingers during chem that the teacher in front suddenly call your name...lets have a moment of silence to our freedom lost.

...

cheer up, kids. sem 2 baru bermula

(hope that at least made you smile!)

we had strangers in our house and spray aerosol all over

2009-03-20T20:08:00.003+08:00

harini jalan kat sunway mcm semua kedai jual benda at 50% off. BUY ONE FREE ONE BUY ONE FREE ONE. ni yang buat orang teruja ni. tapi semua baju yang nak dibeli mesti ada benda tak kena; butang tercabut ke, size besar sangat ke. rasa tak puas hati membara-bara.

(padahal masa tu dah janji dengan diri sendiri tak nak beli apa-apa untuk 6 bulan. cis.)

ps. if you haven't watched watchmen yet, do so before college starts again because it's a good movie with a good storyline and it makes you think about a lot of things. tak boleh dinafikan, ada unsur mengagung-agungkan USA, but what's new?

pps. google tells me there is something called a pseudo first order of reaction. I FEEL SO CHEATED!!

2009-03-19T22:49:00.001+08:00

i have 7 million ulcers in my mouth someone please save me and don't tell me to gurgle salt water because it's supposed to be hella excruciating don't be a masochist dammit fjhkdfhdfkhkdfhjkdf

I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY

2009-03-18T16:10:00.003+08:00

I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY
I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY

OR ELSE, I WILL EAT EXPIRED KAYA WITH MY TOAST TOMORROW AS PUNISHMENT

12:31 AM

2009-03-17T00:16:00.004+08:00

sometimes i wonder when was the exact turning point, when things got "complicated".

emotions used to be easier, if such a thing could ever be said about emotions, but truth is, age just messes things up. when you were younger, and your mom never paid attention to your paintings instead gushed over your sister's, it was jealousy. when you got full marks on a test, it was happiness, and it was never about the wondering whether it was just a lucky strike, or a one time deal.

as you got older, and your dad got you a different kind of barbie doll with a red dress instead of the one with the blue dress you wanted, you were torn between feeling grateful and sad. it was confusing and conflicting but at least they were tangible enough to be named, like they came with their own nametags. easy, neat, and could be put away in a box and tucked away in the corners of your mind if you wanted to.

you see, i was never close to my great-grandmother. right since i was a small girl, the only word i could use to describe her was that she was "old". we never saw each other often, usually at kenduris or hari raya, occasionally we go back to her house to visit, but generally she remained a fleeting thought. i had trouble understanding what she was saying, because there was a gruffness in her voice which only came after you once you've lived close to a century. still, i looked forward to kissing her hand on hari raya, not expecting anything in return, no money packets nor funny comments about how much i've grown. in all the photographs i've seen of her, she never once looked different to me. she remained a constant in my life, never changing against the strong currents.

today we received news of her death, and i feel terrible because i just don't know what to feel.

lets get this done and over with

2009-03-08T13:56:00.004+08:00

i don't know... but it just seems like this place is making people lie to themselves.

(and this is where i wish i was articulate enough to actually transcribe my train of thought into words)

hols. now. pls.

it's that time of month again, where my teeth hurt after a trip to the orthodontist

2009-02-15T00:57:00.004+08:00

things that make me frown lately:

1) trying to play Mario, but instead having the game die on me
2) having a friend who messages about her love dilemma while i'm enjoying myself reading mushy Valentine's Day articles
3) waking up at odd hours in the morning (3 AM, 5:21 AM, etc etc) because my roommate set the clock, but won't wake up
4) thinking (or rather, trying to think) of a plausible research question for my EE
5) the fact that i will be spending the next weekend in a hutan somewhere.
6) opening facebook and discovering that it's all in malay now
7) opening facebook and discovering that i can't read in malay

lift your skinny fists like antennas to heaven

2009-02-08T22:52:00.004+08:00

my dad expressed his plans to ditch his work and "do his own thing" during lunch. (my mum argued that "doing his own thing" is "okay" as long as it generates cash to keep the household afloat.) and from this i can make the assumption that he is:-

a) going through a mid-life crisis
b) insane. temporarily or otherwise.
c) hiding something from us.

so, um. if MARA suddenly combusts into thin air, i might need a place to stay.

PS:

i wish i knew this guy in real life.

look into the air

2009-02-06T23:49:00.003+08:00

it goes against my very nature to simply transcribe the things i feel into strings of words, it's much too hard and sometimes things are too important to risk losing it in translation. i am not apologizing for being the way i am, but i am sorry if you can't accept that simple fact.

it's almost as silly as being forced to miss lessons and then write an essay about how we're supposed to avoid a one-time mistake due to unforeseen circumstances as punishment for coming to class four minutes late in the morning (and then hearing bull about it from your mentor. yeah thanks!)

(to say this past week has been dead tiring would be a fucking understatement.)

PS: if anyone has a copy of "the perks of being a wallflower" by stephen chbosky do let me know. i have the sudden urge to re-read it. please + thank you. :)

sesungguhnya homework sudah mula berbukit-bukit. (but don't let me spoil your mood though; HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!)

2009-01-25T20:24:00.008+08:00

001. read up madam bovary + write the bab by bab sinopsis (this would be so much easier if the translation wasn't so fudgey)

002. analyse nine stories. to avoid testing miss aqyn's patience because at the rate i'm going, messing around during class, she's bound to blow up soon.

003. maths tutorial 3, 4, and 5.

004. find material on the binomial theorem dan yg sewaktu dengannya.

005. discrete random variable and expectations exercises.

006. chemistry handbook exercises

007. kinetics notes

008. start thinking about chemistry design lab report (maybe)

009. READ UP FOR BIO TEST

010. bio lab report (long overdue dah pun)

011. finish up re-doing business sem paper. (maybe)

012. pi presentation

013. research possible venues for fish for life v3.0

i am not shitting you.

ps, do you know what i hate more than extravagant weddings? extravagant engagement parties, that's what. i swear i'm going to slap an excited pair of man and wife to be the next time someone throws an engagement party where they give hantarans to each other that could rival the quota for a grand-sized wedding.

and here i innocently thought that it's the marriage that counts, not the wedding.

eventhough we don't talk to each other anymore (for reasons unknown and too silly to be pondered upon), i wish you a Happy Birthday, L.

2009-01-25T01:39:00.005+08:00

Nothing unusual nothing strange;
Close to nothing at all;
The same old scenario the same old rain;
and there's no explosions here.
"amie" by damien rice

a note to self: thou shalt not play the fool and sit on ye ass all day in sem 2. weekends are exceptional.

2009-01-05T14:21:00.002+08:00

diana: so...dah siap maths notes?
me: nope.

diana: dah habis baca the malay novels?
me: nope.

diana: business IA dah research?
me: nope.

*HYPERVENTILATES*

tagged by ann!

2009-01-05T14:05:00.002+08:00

1. Apakah benda yang paling penting dalam hidup kamu?
~~attention ;)~~ soalan ini terlalu susah untuk dijawab; probably needs some soul-searching.

2. Apakah benda terakhir yang kamu beli dengan wang sendiri?
takde wang sendiri, maka, it's impossible for me to buy anything. duit parents adalah.

3. Di manakah tempat impian perkahwinan kamu?
live in the present, man. i rarely think about unnecessary details of the future, which is sometimes disastrous. but oh well. (janji ada kumpulan memainkan gamelan, everything is A+)

4. Berapa lama anda rasa hubungan kamu berkekalan?
hubungan with who? be specific, sheesh.

5. Adakah anda dilamun cinta?
"love is only a feelingggggggggg". in The Darkness i trust.

6. Di manakah restoran terakhir kamu makan malam?
uhh. oh pizza hut.

7. Namakan buku terakhir yang kamu beli?
-"we are the new romantics" by niven govinden
-"black swan green" by david mitchell
-"the cupid effect" by dorothy koomson.
it was cheap; everything for less than 40 bucks. muahaha. i love cheap books. or to be honest, cheap things.

8. Apakah nama penuh kamu?
sarah amira yuzari. although the amira in my name is merely as an ornament; no one ever calls me that. except cikgu razman in std 6, and occasionally, miss thana in form 5 (omg remember miss thana?). i never answer to amira though, so when people call me that, they perceive me to be a snobby bitch.
OKAY FINE WHATEVER.

9. Kamu lebih senang dengan mak atau ayah?
i wish i could say "both".

10. Namakan seseorang yang kamu ingin jumpa untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidup anda?
although i don't make it a life mission to meet a specific person, sebab mereka pun manusia jugak right, but if i ever meet munaf rayani, i would disintegrate into a blob of happiness.

11.Sebutkan 8 nama sahabat yang paling rapat dengan kamu?
the characters in a fictional novel i'm currently reading.

12. Adakah kamu mencuci pakaian anda sendiri?
does putting my pile of laundry into the washing machine/hantar ke dobi count as washing it myself? guess not. i do hand wash some of my clothes though.

13. Tempat yang paling seronok kamu mahu pergi?
how do i know if a place is fun or not before i've even set foot there? logical fallacy, man. but in the name of fun - alaska. or greece.

14. Pelukan atau ciuman??
not into this touchy/feely shindig, to be honest. but a hug from someone i'm close to always feels good.

15. Butirkan 5 perkara tentang orang yang tag kamu?
-rajin,
-selalu iron baju while listening to her songs,
-smiles a lot,
-into extracurricular activities,
-has good dressing sense.
:)

16. 8 perkara yang amat saya gilai:
-those who are there when i need them,
-myself,
-sleeping,
-time (untuk tidur),
-photography,
-reading,
-good-looking people,
-window shopping, (but desirably, shopping where materialistic happiness is obtained.)

17. 8 perkataan yang sering di ucapkan:
-HUH?,
-i,
-ugh,
-kan?,
-heh,
-blergh,
-wei,
-um.
(vocabulary yg mantap, YES/YES?)

18. 8 buah buku yang paling terbaru :
bloody hell lah, these vague questions are annoying me.

19. 8 lagu yang saya boleh dengar berulang kali:
depends when you ask, because when i'm into a certain song, i can put it on loop for 3210389031 times. currently, "yellow" by coldplay.
but if you're talking about the-songs-i-can-listen-to-no-matter-when-and-what-the-situation kind of songs, it would probably be:

-anything by The Backstreet Boys,
-anything by Spice Girls,
-the song that goes, "ooh baby baby it's a wild world"
-"holiday from real" by jack's mannequin
-"where is the love" by Black Eyed Peas. (also, "my humps")
-"the only moment we are alone" by Explosions in the Sky
-"sugar pie honey bunch" by The Temptations
-the song that goes, "i'm walking on sunshine! oh oh oh"

20. 8 perkara yang saya pelajari tahun lalu:
-spending 6 months at home doing nothing will have negative long term effects,
-the WWW gets boring after a while,
-people can and will try to change you,
-maths is hard,
-so is adapting to a new environment,
-the world houses many different people with many personalities,
-waking up at 7:48 on a school day causes a massive amount of stress,
-thinking of 8 things that i learned in the past year spontaneously is surprisingly harder than it seems

i don't tag anyone, because everyone should be in college/preparing for the start of college. unlike myself.
plus, malas nak fikir.

"if i fall down, my butt's gonna be exposed!"

2008-12-31T20:49:00.006+08:00

new year's resolutions.
a little late. or early. depends on which calendar you're referring to, eh.

001. watch the 8 o' clock news everyday. stick through it, no matter how depressing. (this reminds me of something corporate. eheheh those were the days)

002. have the courage to scan my face. EHEHEHE.

003. be less socially awkward.

004. try not to solat pada akhir waktu.

005. make honour roll. or realistically: work my butt off so that when (if?) i don't make honour roll, i'll know that i worked hard enough, and there's no use in sulking, because it's just the way it's meant to be and it would be proof that kmb adalah tempat orang bijak pandai ditempatkan and there's nothing i can do about it.

so there.
----

in other news, aisyah and rachel slept over last night, and these were the things we did.

-makan
-made fun of a certain budak TESL
-layan internet
-makan
-makan
-read books
-showered at midnight
-twilight/stephanie meyer bashing session (MUAHAHAHA)
-slept

and the next morning we went for a movie and aisyah and rachel had their first go at ice skating! nyahaha. met with a bunch of banting kids there too. the three of us tried skating together, but it didn't really work out because the two of them were ice skating virgins, and it was crowded, and hence we fell on each other the way three people can fall together as ungracefully as possible but still manage to keep their calm (ish) and some cute guy tried save aisyah from further embarassment by pulling her up (TAK GUNAAAAA).

oh yeah and we paid 21 bucks for the entrance fee. bloodsuckers man.

we were deemed "normal" by The Powers That Rule the Ticketing Counter. good to know, huh?

~~OK wait my mummy and i are heading down to baskin robbins to get ice cream AT 31 PERCENT OFF. CANNOT MISS ONE OK. BYE.~~
-

the truth is, i have nothing interesting to report

2008-12-30T13:18:00.003+08:00

DEAR CONTRACTOR BEING PAID BY THE HOUR BY MY NEIGHBOUR, DON'T START YOUR RENOVATION WORK AT 9AM, COS THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO GET SOME SHUT EYE. LIKE ME, FOR INSTANCE. WHY NOT TRY DOING YOUR BANGING AND DRILLING INTO THE WALLS AT NOON? OR 1PM. I WOULDN'T COMPLAIN BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE FILLED MY 12 HOURS OF SLEEP QUOTA BY THEN. THANK YOU!

~~PS. YOU PEOPLE. GET OFF FACEBOOK. TOO MANY PEOPLE MAKE THE WEBSITE LAG FOR ME.~~

i will be sure we shake the mountains while we dance

2008-12-28T19:49:00.003+08:00

some things i learned during the course of the past few days:

001. taxi drivers are pretty scary; they try to preach to you about kepentingan membayar zakat one second, and try to hit on you the next. double personality much?

002. only hardcore kiasus would go all the way to KLCC to find academia tomes. cough diana and adib cough.

003. i really want a pet hyena. fo shizzzz

post-scriptum. i can't believe '08 is almost over. maybe the fact that i spent the first half of the year doing NOTHING has something to do with it? one can only speculate.

lift the shade and let some light in the room, we don't see the sun anymore

2008-12-26T23:39:00.004+08:00

everyone should have a go listening to seabear because their music is like poetry paired with mystical sounds and is pretty much awesome:

When the birds are sleeping
That's when the trees sing
You left your winter clothes,
And your teeth marks in my skin

So shake the leaves, off the trees,
Watch them float down the stream
Your son, your daughter
Swimming in the water

And I miss you, even when you're around
I'm a black cloud,
Sending lightning to the ground

So darling please, show your teeth
Just one more dance to help me sleep
Whirl, cold water eyes
Fill the past with friendly nights

Human skin, can be hard to live in
You'll feel better in the morning
Wash your hands in the lake
You've got a heart, some way

Trails lost in the snow
Make way for winter's eerie glow
And that black rock in your bedroom
I hope you'll climb it soon
In your boat, tied to a tree
I hope you'll find the sea

Throw me a dream please, it's been a dreamless sleep
For such a long time, such a long time
Sing myself awake
Watch the branches break
No one could ever take your place

Wash your face in the lake
You've got a diamond under your skin

"i sing i swim" by seabear

when you feed fish that haven't been fed in a while, they kind of jump out of the aquarium and try to bite your hand. fish are scary.

2008-12-21T17:25:00.005+08:00

i just realized i have a lot of work to complete before semester starts.

um. shit?

-----

last night i stayed up till 2AM, (and the next morning my dad was all, 'you slept late last night? guess you can't shy away from your college habits huh?') and i had all these visions, if that's even the appropriate word, of me in the next semester. i know it's going to be busy, and in my head i already have my schedule all planned out, what time i'm going to sleep at night, how i'm going to spend my afternoons from now on. as crazy as it sounds.

i am going to make this work.

but oh, something i found over The Great Internet. (haha tuan gatsby). it's kind of insane and mind-blowing how much i can relate to this, even though it has only been 1 semester y'know. and most of these things are pretty far-fetched. HELP.

you know you're in IB when...
-You can spell "Baccalaureate".
-"I.B., therefore I B.S."
-You go to bed at 3AM and think, "Oh, it's an early night!"
-It's okay to fail, so long as you are not alone.
-You have a special "test writing sweater" that you wore to all the IB exams.
-You do your essays on the plane ride to school. (for me, it's doing business on the bus on the way to CAS)
-You actually worry about the 105% you have in math. (well, 118%. but still, bloody hell)
-Tests are no longer singular efforts!
-When you're watching TV, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done.
-Your TI-89 has made you stupid.
-Breakfast?! What's that?
-The words: "Oh my God! There's a triad in this poem!" (so guilty)
-You've mastered the art of procrastination so well that your research paper finishes printing just seconds before you have to leave for school.
-You hold "parties" to study.
-you write a two page answer to a one sentence question
-this number means something: 42 (hint: nothing to do with the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy)
-you get angry at someone for being late so you can't copy their homework.
-Your idea of impure thoughts is whether or not to copy math homework.

seriously, you can't not love this fiasco of a program. ngee :)

g'day mate

2008-12-19T19:06:00.002+08:00

genting was FUN, because
001. i got to spend the day with my family. it's been a while. :)
002. the adrenaline rushhh; i can't believe on the rides that i went on! i usually stay away from the scary stuff, like roller coasters or anything that involves my feet leaving the ground, but i'm glad i did because it was crazy exciting. but that doesn't mean my imagination wasn't all over town, thinking of ways the machinery could fail, flipping me into the air which ultimately results in death. that didn't happen, obviously. I AM ALIVE.
003. it was a nice reminder of the past. you see, we went on some little kiddy rides when i was 4 or 5, and i could totally identify which rides we went on, because i've seen the pictures from that trip for a million times without actually remembering the experience, so i'm glad i got to see those miniature trains and stuff (:

anywhoop, today i cleaned a little. because i don't want to leave for college (in two weeks. blah) and have my parents thinking, 'oh yay one less person to clean after. good riddance.' ok i doubt my parents would actually go good riddance but i've been feeling bad, lazing around all day y'know. it's difficult to explain. i want to do nothing since it's the holidays and everything but at the same time i don't want to feel like i'm burdening anybody. hence, the cleaning.

while i was washing the dishes i was singing out loud to a song that was on, and my neighbour gave me weird looks. that saddens me a little, people can be so uptight about the silliest things. i wish people would be more open to the little things in life and not look at them lowly, because it's always the simplest things that give you the most joy.

dario marianelli, you are killing me

2008-12-16T23:48:00.003+08:00

i have a headache. and it hurts. a lot.
this reminds me of a conversation nicole and i had eons ago, i think i was telling her that the only way i can get rid of a headache is to sleep it off. she told me her way is to eat some painkillers and vomit it out (we are a weird pair).
yes, i realize this has nothing to do with anything.

;;(mostly for myself) things i shall (try to) do tmrw:
001. not wake up at noon
002. start on my math homework
003. spend sometime thinking about EE and PS (hah, harapan)
004. read one flew over the cuckoo's nest for englishhh
005. make plans
~~006.~~ i'm ambitious, but also realistic

my head is starting to kill me a little. oh yeah and something worth mentioning? i was chastised TWICE today for snapping my camera where i wasn't supposed to. whatttt

we have plans

2008-12-12T23:13:00.002+08:00

it's easy and simple and delightfully familiar, to go out with these girls and act goofy and share stories and laugh, laugh, laugh, make silly faces at each other and spend the obligatory hour at border's, completely in our own worlds but somehow, still aware with each other's whereabouts.

it was a fun day, and blowing off having the chance to have tea with the queen (no kidding!) was worth it. so who cares if i watched twilight for the second time with them (and decided that the movie can now be considered as "maybe okay. slightly"). and who cares if i ate TONS, we shared, at least; because that's what friends do, eh? "we spread the fat around!"

we found some old photos on aisyah's laptop, like when we were 15 ish? and my do we look young then. it's nice to know that we can look back now and say that because it just shows how much we've grown together. and i love that there's a possibility of history repeating itself a few years from now.

so yes, we don't really talk about the same things we did when we were 13/14, but some things just never change, do they? like rachel's facial expressions for example (we have photos as proof! hahaha)

sleepover at my place next, guys! :D

three cheers for technology!

2008-12-11T20:51:00.003+08:00

more specifically - facebook.

dear fb, thank you for being an endless source of entertainment. if you were a physical object, i would probably give you a hug. or put you in between two pieces of bread, all buttered up, topped with ice-cream, so that you would see just how loved you are by the way everyone wuld stare at how yummy your appearances look.

OK i realize i am not making any sense. i feel like calling nadia up and gossiping. hee hee hee.

i feel

2008-12-08T20:17:00.003+08:00

a friend's grandmother passed away this morning. from a third person point of view, someone who just happened to catch a glance of how their relationship was, i'd say they were pretty close with each other. closer than my grandmother and i would ever be, anyway.

it's silly, but everytime we go back to her house, i can't help but keep a little pinch of hope, an expectation that maybe this visit will be different. maybe this will be the turning point. she is my mother's mother after all, and i suppose everyone wants to feel that connection with someone they're so closely related to.

alas. this year marks the first time we spend hari raya in KL. it's a different feeling altogether, but at least i spent it with the people i love most in the world. that's something.

i have the urge to take a walk.

i am being bugged

2008-12-06T14:33:00.003+08:00

by my mum to GO PACK OR WE'LL BE LATE, but i thought i'd sneak in an entry.

you know that feeling when you're done with something, and you know you should all let it go, let bygones be bygones and all that, but at the most obscure moments you'll suddenly remember a scene from the past, just a little preview like when you're rewinding a DVD at high speed but you catch a glance of something you've already watched, and it's weird how you remember so well how it made you feel and how it affected you and how it influenced your future actions.

that's how it feels like right now, being back at home for the next month or so, a chance given by the powers that be to relax (i suppose), and reflect. also, to study. but let's ignore that for now, shall we? we're nowhere near the finishing line, but look how far we've come.

ps. selamat hari raya haji everyone, enjoy the time you have with your loved ones, and don't let the reason behind celebrating be forgotten.

ok my mum is starting to scare me slightly. ta!

wrecking force

2008-11-23T01:46:00.002+08:00

three weeks

and i don't even know why i'm keeping count. stupid, stupid me.

my brain cannot comprehend

2008-11-23T01:19:00.002+08:00

that exams are in a week. proof? my last three days went something like this:

thursday:
a) class, feeling sleepy in class, class, emo-ing in class, class, feeling bored during class. blah, blah blah
b) lunch, spent money unnecessarily at the koop. (on ice-cream, but still)
c) stats test, in which i fell asleep halfway through, and had a teacher wake me up with 'dah siap ke belum?'. i know i should feel embarassed, but i don't. I WAS REALLY SLEEPY, don't hate.
d) slept, ate, listened to people emo-ing (idk, i guess i'm flattered that people think that i'm a reliable listener. hah), contemplated going to the rugby field after a friend invited me to teman her. (didn't go, btw. decided to eat nasi lemak ayam in my room instead)
e) ceramah, where nadia and i spent an hour and a half in the surau talking and gossiping. i repeat, IN THE SURAU. we are bad people hehehehehjerjhds.
f) listened to ppl emo-ing again.
g) attempted to do some work, but fell asleep in my jubah until 4. yay

friday:
a) classsesssss
b) walked to the end of the earth (block F) because i left my CAS file, and went back to get it, because pn rokiah scares me.
c) usrah, where we snuck food into; i predict we're going to be so fat by the time we finish IB (given that we don't die in the process)
d) meeting w/ miss loh
e) went home
f) sleep times infinity

saturday:
a) woke up at noon
b) tv/eat/wasting time in general
c) went to sunway to waste time
d)tv
e) gossip girl
f) internet

sunday: (at 1:32 AM, with minus the bear playing in the background)
a) attempting to finish up my bio lab report, but,

obviously failing.

_________

it's funny how almost everyone (myself included) has already made plans for next semester; less fooling around, more studying, you know the whole gist. what a shame we didn't realize this much, much sooner.

yeah, i don't quite know what i'm talking about either, i'm tired and sleepy but i am determined to finish this darn lab report.

aah stupid mosquitoes.

someone come online and save me, goodness. :( :(

tonight,

2008-11-07T19:34:00.002+08:00

i'm going to have a nice long bath, enjoy a good dinner with my family, and catch up with gossip girl episodes.

it's been a tiring two weeks.

we have a sign

2008-10-25T13:34:00.002+08:00

on the top of the door of our class that says,

"i have great potential"

i'm starting to believe it bit by bit, day by day.

future doctors and biotechnologists of M08C, yo.

sedikit emo

2008-10-18T19:04:00.003+08:00

i suppose i could use this blog as an outlet to complain about the amount of sleep i've been lacking this week, or about the number of times i had to stop myself from yelling at people telling them to shut up, regardless whether or not i know them personally. or maybe this blog could be the listening ears to the number of times i've sighed out of exhaustion this past seven days, this webspace could be the witness to my facial expression at the moment i thought i couldn't take it anymore,

but i won't let it.

there's been too much crying around me this week, too many stressful complaints from my peers, too much dejectedness in the air the moment i step into the classroom in the mornings;

enough is enough.

It Couldn't Be Done
Edgar Guest

Somebody said that it couldn't be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one
Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it";
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.

we'll survive it, God willing.

okay, fine

2008-09-29T07:44:00.003+08:00

so i know it takes two to tango, which means i played a part in creating this mess, which means: I AM AN IDIOT.

also, diana is coming over in a bit and we're going to ~*~study~*~ and do some math tutorials, which means i actually have to take out my handbook and review my ~*~notes~*~.

i need a shower

ahahaha crap

stop teaching the kids german swear words

2008-09-26T10:08:00.004+08:00

last night my mummy, my sister and i, made our way to this new burger king drive through outlet that just opened in our area (which is located opposite of the masjid, btw. goodness) and we almost missed the turn, but it was okay, because the two of them had a ball laughing at me superb bearings, and i realized that damn i've missed this- the simple act of driving around at night with the radio playing some godawful top 40 song, and just enjoying the company of my family.

the past week hasn't been serious, listening to raya songs on our respective laptops and rolling my eyes at crazy SMSes, laughing at silly conflicts between people, having a classmate try to convince me to start playing counterstrike (HAHA), berbuka puasa with the class (!!), studying for a chemistry test but ending up watching an episode of gossip girl (so goood), receiving surprising raya cards, crossing under a red line, and talking about nothing with (a boy who is no longer quite) a stranger on the bus back to college from klang.

oh yeah and i wish i was kidding about the part about teaching the autistic kids german swear words. i know some people with a very insane sense of humour.

i suppose when i'm on my laptop, i should probably upload some photos; my blog's been pretty barren, huh?

someone please,

2008-09-13T15:19:00.003+08:00

help me wash my brain. i am so ashamed.

amt amt

2008-09-01T05:52:00.004+08:00

i feel like i dissapointed a bunch of people last week, which sucked ass. so my resolution this week is to keep out of the radar. (i case you're wondering, yes, i am stupidly optimistic that one of these days i will actually keep a resolution.)

someone please tell me how you study for an a la cambridge interview but in written test format. the malaysian education system did not prepare me for this! shit-o. on a less solemn note, bazaar ramadhan! also, we're face-painting at the autisme centre this week! there will be embarassing pictures!

and speaking of embarassing pictures, (in case anyone misses my face, hah)

the choir girls (me in a kain batik for the first time evar! AHAHAHA)

LOLPIE

2008-09-01T05:34:00.002+08:00

everyone has an opinion, it seems. and although i guess it's better than the alternative (a person with inactive braincells, can't think for himself, pak turut, etc etc), should an opinion-giver equal himself to an advice-giver? ok, ok fine maybe i shouldn't be the judge of this situation, but oh my god, if no one asked for your say, do shut up. there's way too much noise as it is.

i have not slept since, um, three AM? i'm waiting for subuh before i welcome the bed (or vice versa?). i have a feeling that my sleeping pattern is going to cause some trouble; it's haywire as hell. i also feel like a fever's overcoming me, yes the phlegm in mouth, Rudolph nose, i-think-may-need-to-wear-a-sweater-to-class fever, not the "sarah, kami rasa demammm. demam edward cullen" that my roommate was talking about. god help me, someone please slap me if ever i say that. consider this your permission in black and white.

or maybe it's just the air-conditioner. idk.

before i forget, the reason for this post: many thank yous for all the birthday wishes, hee :) sorry for the late replies and what-not, i was away on a dare i say it - a holiday. bad timing, really, my dad books a place a week after the holidays, and right when the teachers are in the mood of handing out quizzes and tests. i did get to see a turtle up close, though! i probably should leave out the fact of swimming out of the water as quickly as possible and into the boat when i saw the turtle was swimming up, because i suppose that would portray me as a scaredy cat and also probably an idiot. oh, well. this idiot thanks you for your SMSs, and the smiles they catalysed. (although this is the first year i slept through the midnight hoo-haa)

ps, selamat menyambut bulan ramadhan everyone. let's make this puasa our best, insyaAllah. :):)

hear ye! hear ye!

2008-08-23T18:07:00.003+08:00

azam baru masuk semula kolej selepas cuti pertengahan semester

I) be tougher. teeth baring, knuckle shoving, and all that jazz.

II) sleep less in the afternoons. actually, just sleep less period. it's disgusting how many hours a day my head hits the pillow, and how many hours i think about siesta.

III) to not procrastinate on homework. umm, yeah.

(obviously, i am channeling my energy on blogging instead of studying for the maths test we have on thursday. and OBVIOUSLY i have already failed on resolution numero tres.)

7"

2008-08-23T18:00:00.003+08:00

please excuse our faces, because
this is how we are
this is how we are
we are young and stupid
and raised by wolves

(no, we are not feral children, i'm just in a voxtrot mood.)

you know what?

2008-08-23T17:30:00.002+08:00

doing a chemistry lab report can be really de-stressing. everything's so methodological and each step is so precise; you're in control because you know the next step which comes after the next one and the next one. there's no way things can spiral into uncertainty, because everything is already mapped out for you, all you need to do is steer the vehicle on the paved road.

...until you find out your calculations are way, WAY off. that's when your palms start to sweat, and you lose your grip on the steering wheel, and your last resort is to hope to all hell that inertia's going to keep you going in the right direction.

ps: idk, i think i need to write something. not kidding about the chem calculations though; so so screwed.

i have a clear head and two ulcers in my mouth

2008-08-19T13:24:00.003+08:00

am glad to report that i have at least finished one homework that was assigned to me, which was to watch an anglophone movie. ahahahahaha. i think i will be a good girl and do some extra research. :)

is it weird that everytime that i try to write about college, i can never find the appropriate or fitting words to string together to describe the experience so far?

my class is, in a brief way to describe it, is pretty much awesome. it's in the way we simultaneously wince at the morning bell (which is inches away from our door, btw), and nodding when our math and tok teacher asks us if we understand the last thing they said (even though we don't, and we all freak out afterwards) and passing food around during break, and the silly way of talking that has somehow become the trademark of our class, and of course the crude jokes.

the girls in my block are really nice and i always joke about how the tv room is empty the night before the week starts because everyone is last minute and is copying each other's homework. it's funny how a homework session turns into a jamuan makan-makan, gossip session about XYZ's boyfriend and a music exchange program. my roommate and i usually watch dvds in our room on weekends and wake up late the next day, sempat untuk subuh dinasour sahaja. har har.

non-academic activities wise? there's nothing much to talk about except my group and i have been going to an autism centre twice in the past month, supposedly to provide some service to the centre, but all we've been doing is playing around with the kids and missing class which is fun, OF COURSE. then there's choir; we performed at the recent graduation, which was inspirational, no shit; and we went to seri iskandar to compete, which we won first. ahahahah. there hasn't really been an english club meeting, which is pissing some people off, and my membership into the college's photography club is stil pending, so...yeah.

miscellaneous things about the college: the mak cik ds doesn't scold us when we come late for meals...most of the time. the koperasi sells things for dirt cheap, which i just realized after a recent trip to 7-11. the skies seem so near here you can almost reach out and count the stars at night.

ps, apologies for the lack of pictures. the miniscule amount that i took with my olympus is with my laptop and i am a lazy ass to transfer crap from one device to another, and i have yet to transfer photos from other people ie: from miss loh's camera, because siti khadijah's memory card decided to self-destruct and all the crazy/lame/embarassing pictures are wiped into the microchips of our memories. /emo.

pps, UTP is friggin pretty, it almost makes me wish i was interested in engineering.

ppps, free all week. PLS CALL.

thanks a lot

2008-08-18T14:10:00.001+08:00

so i was gonna gush about the holidays and how fun the seri iskandar trip was, but...

Tahniah, anda telah terpilih untuk mengikuti Program Latihan Khidmat Negara Siri 6/2009.
NAMA : SARAH AMIRA BINTI YUZARI
NOKP : 910831xxxxxx
NEGERI : SELANGOR

i sense paperwork.

emosinyer :(

i sense a great weekend ahead!

2008-08-02T17:56:00.002+08:00

homework:

bio lab report
chem stoichiometry exercises x1000
math tutorial
business scrapbook, find info on pressure groups
english bend it like beckham handouts
malay drama presentation
stats complete tables

so that's homework from ALL the subjects i'm taking, minus TOK.

'sup, IB? :)

hahaha

2008-07-27T17:43:00.003+08:00

because bree and arina > stoichiometry homework. no doubt ;)

Rules :
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!!

since you're curious;
1. waking up early/staying up late makes me very, very hungry. mcdonalds delivery service in banting plsthanks. :)
2. apparently, i can sleep in a sitting position. this has proved to be very useful during boring ceramahs. hee
3. when i initially want to sleep, i have to sleep on my right side.
4.

aah frak i have to go. will continue at a later date, insyaAllah.

ps, one month down, 23 more to go. yay?

i guess

2008-07-19T18:40:00.004+08:00

i haven't really done much elaborating on life so far, but everytime i try, no words i find are ever appropriate enough.

but i guess a string of sentences can be kept as knick knacks on your imaginary literary wall; i think the dobby service is disgusting, the hostel is too damn far, it always rains when i wash my clothes, it is too hot in the afternoons, i always feel like people are staring at me for all the wrong reasons, classes are very good sleep-inducers.

yes i realize they are all complaints.

have another: why do people bother with two days of makan makan at a single location? yes, the akad nikah takes like, half an hour, then you eat and then you socialise together as man and wife. i do not see the need to do it twice, honestly. don't get me wrong, i think weddings are lovely, a start to a hopefully blessed married life, but DEAR GOD, WHY. isn't there more to a union of two souls than exchanging gifts (that you can ever really confirm that the other one is going to like, anyway. chocolates, okay. fruits, okay. but perfume??) and inviting the same people to the same kenduri, to repeat the same routine of the day before? and while i'm on the subject, why would anyone have a kenduri to celebrate someone bertunang? what happened to the good old days when the guy would come to the girl's house, with every hope of her hand in marriage, but with every humility that he could be rejected.

and why why why would you ever assign someone to put rice on other people's plates? i think most people have full funcionality of both their hands. it's bad enough that the person would put much too much on your plate, and then make a snippy comment on how little you're eating? GIVE ME SOME PERSONAL SPACE, sheesh. doesn't anyone respect that anymore?

apologies, i don't know what my point is.

ps- i think my computer has been eaten by a virus or something. it's godawful slow.

still,

2008-07-19T18:36:00.000+08:00

i regret not saying something more

ey tolong sikit

2008-07-18T22:52:00.002+08:00

so it turns out tmrw there is a relative's wedding that i have to go to. i'm all for unity and people being happy and getting married, but my mum was mistaken and thought the wedding was next week and usually that isn't a big deal, because it doesn't really matter to me when other people ge married, but ia mendatangkan satu masalah bagiku kerana i don't have any baju kurung to wear. yeah it's great that i brought all my baju kurungs to bukit changgang. grr

ok sambung later, battery almost habis. (be jealous, be very jealous of my dell xps)

oh, don't act so surprised

2008-07-05T18:02:00.003+08:00

oui, i am glad to report that i am still alive :D i am at a loss for words on what i should write about, because somehow, it feels like the past two weeks can't be summarised in a few short paragraphs, because sometimes it gets so overwhelmingly lonely being away from home that all i want to do is expel crude words (which would be horribly unladylike) and other times, things get really fun that i want to fill this entry with exclamation marks of joy. so i guess, if i were to write an entry about college life without words, it would be something like this:

!!!!fdsaldsalf;fsdjfsfjkfjshfd!!!!jkf!!!!!!!!!!!jhdskfds*&&(&*7832jhfskjfdkj;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!kjdsfk;ds'fsk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!495fd*(*()^&(^%5%$%$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...but i shan't because i'm in the mood of elaborating boring details (lucky you!).

orientation was fun, and provided some much needed distraction over the fact that i was living away from home for the first time, in a place surrounded by kelapa sawit plants (damn you taylor's students, with your mcd's and starbucks, eesh.), where i only know one familiar face (diana). during the first few days, it was like operating on autopilot, going wherever i was asked, doing whatever i was told. i remember thinking, oh shit am i really going to spend the next two years here??

but then things started to look up, people whom i introduced myself to remembered my name (eventhough i found it hard to remember theirs, which made me feel TERRIBLE), the orientation activities were really designed to orientate ourselves with our new surroundings and make new friends, instead of some stupid ragging by the seniors, which is pointless as hell. i made new friends (and hope to continue doing so; i hardly know every single person in my block) and the seniors are really helpful.

still, there are loads of things that i still need to get used to: lining up for meals, washing clothes by hand on a slab of tiles, wearing baju kurung most of the time, lights out before midnight (LOLZ), the abundance of flies (goddamn), walking 434832804 kilometres every morning to class (our block is the furthest away from everything, le sigh), speaking in bm 80% of the time, cold showers, not speaking freely about periods and making sure my kain kurung is all right because of the presence of boys here (hahaha).

classes have already started, we've only had introductory lessons so far, "okay sila perkenalkan diri anda semua" and my classmates are all nice and friendly. and you know what, i thought sri aman prepared me to face all the kiasus in the future, boy was i WRONG. after the first day of class, everyone rushed to the library to check out books we would be needing (because IB textbooks are expensive enough to kill for, honest to god) and almost everyone read THREE chapters ahead and did the tutorial exercises after each topic, even though the teacher hasn't even started teaching yet. someone help pls.

and in case anyone's curious, these are the subjects i'll be taking:

Malay A1, SL
English A2, SL
Business and Management, SL
Biology, HL
Chemistry, HL
Mathematics, HL

SL is the acronym for standard level and HL stands for higer level, btw. on top of that, i'll have to complete the Extended Essay, Theory of Knowledge course, and Creative, Action, Service (CAS) it's all part of the great masterplan of the International Baccalaureate Organization to turn us all into "well-rounded individuals". is it weird that i think that they might actually succeed? because it feels like it's getting to me already. gaspethhh.

malay isn't as bad as the initial impressions suggests, because we'll mostly be doing literature. in the second sem, we'll be learning world lit, ie: literature that has been translated to bm. i've looked at the list and we'll be learning things like pride and prejudice, ("lagak wasangka"), and the great gatsby, ("tuan gatsby"). you have my permission to LOL. i'm kinda excited for my english class, because it's supposedly "elite", since they're only offering one english a2 class for the whole batch, and we'll be learning some cool literary components and structures of argument, culture and media, and PLAYS. which most probably means we'll be going to actor's studio, which means we get to get away from bukit changgang, if only for a few hours.

oh and i guess i should mention the reason of my being home since yesterday (friday) even though the college had seven million activities planned out for us, and the explanation behind it would be that, tiada bekalan air di kolej. harharhar. so those of us who live nearby, were "strongly encouraged" to go back home. gladly so. it's amazing how crisis bonds people, seriously. everyone was carrying their baldi at the pili bomba in search of clean water to clean ourselves with. the lack of water became the turning point between my roommate and i, we didn't speak much before, because i had some difficulty understanding her loghat utara, but going around the college hunting for water really does break the ice. :)

i suppose that is all from me for now. i have said much too much, and spent much too much time on the computer, when my purpose was to search for some material for my business and management class (yes we have homework already). OKAY, toodles.

p.s.: in response to aisyah and nicole's advice to me before i left for college, ("get a boyfriend, okay!") the good-looking ones are all taken, heh.

remember me as a time of day..;

2008-06-23T22:29:00.001+08:00

SELAMAT TINGGAL

wish me luck omg.

the day before YOUKNOWWHAT

2008-06-23T07:56:00.002+08:00

in 24 hours, i won't even BE HERE. i haven't packed a thread, and i haven't even had the chance to improve my handwriting, which has been steadily declining in terms of quality, as pictured above. it feels weird, weird enough to make me wake up from sleep without the help of the alarm. amazing or what. oh yeah we got new fishes for the aquarium. hee.

i had a nice weekend, watched made of honour with nicole on saturday (movie's good, btw) which was funnn. and then my paternal grandparents came over to our house, kind of like a last visit of sorts. it was very nice of them. :) sunday relatives from my mother's side had lunch at our house, which was very, very, nice because i got to spend time with my little cousins. but i avoided my ~~mother's mother~~ grandmother, because we don't get along well (but she doesn't get that, which is ughtastic.)

here be a picture of me and nicole. WHY ARE ALL OF MY FRIENDS PRETTY AND SMART.

my cousins. alif and tisha, both of them found amusement in my sister's stuffed animals. they have a brother between them, but he was out in the den watching some stupid cartoom and didn't want to join in the photo shoot. later on in the day another flock of cousins came by, but the camera was MIA because they disturbed me from my nap, so no coolpoints for them. we did watch spiderman 3 on dvd and played some ball, though.

aww, isn't she a cutie pie? although, i have a feeling she's going to break a lot of hearts in the future.

and i mean that in the literal sense of the expression, OF COURSE.

OKAY OKAY so this post is just me, procrastinating the inevitable (packing) so i should go. we're going to the doctor's in a bit, to pick up some medicine in case i fall sick in college and i need some drugs ASAP.

one last picture, though.

bye.

have a piece of candy

2008-06-20T14:22:00.003+08:00

i had a great day :) i totally support you becoming a geek (not that you aren't already!) and sacrificing your social life at intec, not that it would last long, because i know you just as well as you know me. here's to more sleepovers, phone calls, camwhoring, and craziness. you know, i'll even help babysit if ever you end up with eight kids.

it's nothing significantly life-changing, but...

2008-06-17T17:22:00.008+08:00

i had a very nice weekend, thought i'd just put it out there :) MPPH was awesome, and it felt so normal, and comfortable going back to school. after that we went to pasar jalan othman to buy carnations and we had asparagus for dinner (among other things). then on sunday, the family went to sunway because my sister wanted me to ice-skate before i go off, which was extremely, EXTREMELY wonderful (both the gesture and the experience) and i spent father's day with my dad doing grocery shopping.

(i'm the awkward looking one in the middle of the picture, wearing black btw)

yesterday i went to the hospital to review the results of my medical checkup, and i am official HEALTHY. after that i went to the stationery shop and splurged on supplies, 71 ringgit in all. crazy stuff. i have also decided which books i'm going to bring to college (step numero uno in The Great Packing Process)

the time traveler's wife; welcome to britain (AS MOTIVATION, rah rah! it's a quirky little picture book about the idiosyncrasies of britain which i bought for 10 ringgit at that cheap bookstore at amcorp mall); the very peculiar cow (my first every "book", before enid blyton, it was 'peter and jane'); a home at the end of the world; the catcher in the rye (because how could i not?); the history of love and extremely loud and incredibly close. plus a souvenir from KLM: a miniature figure of a dutch townhouse.

i'm not such a big fan of nicole krauss' book, but i guess i had to include it in because she and jonathan safran foer dedicated their books to each other (they're married). and they even used the same font. now, doesn't that make you go AWW ?

and because this post is already random as it is, i suppose another picture won't hurt.

A WALL. in the bedroom i share with my sister. supposedly vintage posters of air france adverts which my dad bought in vietnam. i guess these were the ones they used when france had power over vietnam? i don't know, i suppose so. also, JALUR GEMILANG. sfwee.

ps: I LEAVE IN A WEEK! i am a little anxious! but also excited! but i don't think it has sunk in yet that i'll be leaving soon! and won't be able to sleep in my own bed! and enjoy air-cond at night! and hot water in the morning! excuse my excessive use of exclamation marks! i leave in a week! mati lahh.

a list!

2008-06-10T17:24:00.002+08:00

01. i have a runny nose and a cough. i feel icky. i guess i shouldn't be on the computer, instead i should be resting but oh what the heck. shoo, phlegm shoo!

02. so i was feeling very um, what's the word - kind? and i decided to do sme housework without my mum telling me to. yay me. i washed last night's dishes (hhahaha), folded laundry, and did some sweeping out in the porch, where i saw this beehive thingy. and yes, you guessed it, i poked it. and these squirmy green organisms were inside it. and then i sprayed it with insecticide.

03. coldplay's new album! dsjakdsaldjasdlsdsa;adsd if you're not listening to it, you are missing out on something very, very amazing.

04. so i might be getting a new number soon, because my dad signed the whole family up for this celcom family plan thingymajig, where we'll be able to call each other for free. my mum still thinks it's too good to be true and is waiting around to see what the catch is. my dad came up with this brilliant idea is the fact that i'll be going off in two weeks (!!) and..yeah. WHAT THE HELL ARE TAILORED PANTS, ANYWAY?

05. i guess i'm not gonna be learning how to drive in the near future, hah. pretty insane, between them, my parents have to fork out an extra RM 60-70 everytime they fill up the tank. s'okay, i think driving's pretty darn scary, anyway.

06. i went to the hospital last week for the medicalcheckup required of me by the powers that be. i almost fainted when they took a sample of my blood (keyword: ALMOST), probably because i looked at the needle going in, and the syringe filling with my dark red blood. idk, i guess it wouldn't have freaked me out so much if i didn't look, but i was all, hey one day i might have to do this to someone else! i'm an idiot. a few years back, my sister and i were admitted to the hospital for food poisoning during raya (why oh why) and the nurse had to put an IV drip on me, and that didn't go so well, either. i get really irked out when there are foreign objects in my body. ~~i guess i would totally fail at sex, huh.~~

hey sunshine :)

2008-05-25T07:59:00.003+08:00

Look into your heart

and you'll find the sky is yours;

♥

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY! :D