friends are like potatoes. when you eat them, they die.

leaving for dublin tomorrow! dear God please bless our journey and give me the motivation to study while on holiday. Ameen. packing must be the most frustrating task ever. how do you pack two weeks worth of crap in a suitcase. howwww.

anyways. im so bored. my laptop's keyboard is slowly deteriorating. a few weeks ago the scrolly thingy wouldnt cooperate. now the left arrow is stuck. and my asterisk is non-existent. the last one is especially a problem, since it's such a a pain in the ass when you need to correct a typo. i'd have to explain that it was a typo, and then proceed to correct the typo. i think if i were with a group of people, stuck in a forest in the middle of nowhere, i'd probably be the first to die, because i'm just too lazy to put in the effort to save myself. har har har

i wish i wasn't so lazy. i also wish i was funnier. scratch that, i wish everyone else had my sense of humour. then i wouldn't have to explain myself for laughing when everyone isn't, i'm too lazy to explain everything to everyone. but yeah, i wish i knew how to tell jokes. i'm crap at telling jokes to people. well, i'm crap at talking to people, but jokes are always a good ice-breaker. or not. it would be rather weird if a stranger came up to you and started telling a knock, knock joke to you.

so bored. the nights are soooooo long. somedays i don't even get to see the sun. partly because england's always so gloomy, but also because i wake up really late nowadays. when i'm bored i tend to crave food, for a lack of anything better to do. i don't think i've sweated at all since i came here. my mum used to be a sprinter. i bet she's disappointed with how my sister and i turned out, we're such couch potatoes.

i think studying medicine makes you lose your competency to write a decent composition. intro, body, closing paragraph are meaningless now.

a photographic memory would be really helpful when studying histology. Y/Y?

hokay enough of this negative shit.

PATS ON THE BACK FOR EVERYONE. hoorah

hi, how're you

i think that's the first thing english people ask each other when they see an aquaintance. hi, how're you. except they say it really fast, so it actually sounds haihaa(r)ya, and sometimes it takes a moment to register whether or not they're speaking in English, but yeah. hi, how're you?

i'd usually answer with a quick, "good". and ask them what they've asked me. it's easier than going into details, you know. sometimes i wonder, why did i work for the grades back in IB, SPM, PMR, UPSR, (PTS?). was it really so that i could come here, and study to become a doctor? or study, just for the sake of studying, for the sake of making my parents proud, for the sake of not letting down others. i don't mean to sound ungrateful, but it's something i ponder about.

because i feel so tired. so tired of being sad, and constantly putting up a front about it. so tired of being around people whose company i don't actually mind (most of the time) and still wish i were around people who i actually care about instead.

i'd like to think that i know myself. i know that i like the experience of being in a new and somewhat daunting environment, and i also know that don't make friends easily. usually it doesn't take much to balance these two and i'd somehow manage, but now it feels so...hard. i know everyone feels the way i do, albeit to different degrees, and probably deal with it differently than i do, but everyone else seems to be holding up so much better than i am.

before leaving i thought i could cope with it, but i miss so many things from back home. and i miss so many people, even the ones that i wasn't even particularly close to, to the extent of finding familiar facial features in strangers.

summer feels like a lifetime away.

fact:

you can't depend on anyone for anything.

terms and conditions applied

orang yang duduk overseas for the first time memang emosi senang terganggu ke? i feel like such a girl. or specifically speaking, perempuan yang suka melayan perasaan. bodohbodohbodoh.

lately, i feel so self-absorbed. and i hate myself for it. (there i go again, fikir pasal diri sendiri je.)

:(