"i love humanity, but i hate people"

somehow, i feel out of the loop. the feeling comes and goes, but it's there.

i'm ready for something new. now, preferably.

i hate bureaucracy. (i guess some days i hate a lot of things)

tiang gol /goalpost

things i want to get done/do in the near future/make a habit out of:

01. learn to play Yann Tiersen's "l'absente": listen on youtube!

02. take more photos, read more books, listen to more music, try to smile more and be (more?) polite to people (especially strangers), catch up with friends

03. do well on my driving test and pass? whooo. oh, and exercise!

04. become a better family member and overall better person; help prepare yah for her PMR later this year, clean the house on a daily basis (and not sporadically, when the mood comes) because it makes mummy happy, tell abah that i love him more often, no more lessen amount of time spent doing nothing or nothing beneficial, khatam once again before Syawal

i almost feel like posting a picture of me smiling, just to illustrate just exactly how i'm feeling. these past few weeks, have been wonderful. as hollywood as it sounds, it feels like i'm rediscovering myself, stripped of the expectations and pressure and just the excessive load of whateverness. alas, i'm lazy, about the picture, i mean, and i suppose it's enough that i mentioned my intention and hopefully will be reflected in my actions.

i guess i've been denying it, but i think i lost a bit of myself in college. towards the end i realize how much dependent on other people i became to the point (where i consider) being clingy, how snappy i became, the many many excuses i made to others and myself, how much wrapped up i was in my own so-called problems. yes, sometimes stress does that to you, and maybe that's how i deal with it.

but now i know that it was a temporary thing, and i wasn't slowly transforming into a monster. well, hopefully. haha! i do have to thank the college in the middle of the kelapa sawit fields for giving me valuable insight on people, my own behaviour, and the higher power. so i guess it wasn't a total waste on me, MARA.

rating to be advised

this one morning, we were fifteen or sixteen (can't remember much of the details) and the teacher wasn't in yet, we decided to go to the toilet together (the way girls always do). the one near the sick bay, it was a little far from our classroom, but we had our favourite cubicles. let's make music together, that's what you said. there's no reason why i should remember this, probably because it's such an insane thing to say when you're about to pee, but there you go.

i like high school. well, the bits and pieces that i remember, that is. which is, sad to say, not very much; my memories fail me, but sometimes they come vivid as sunshine.

what i've learned about old friends is that, no matter how much you think you've changed, there's always that person who keeps you grounded. and for that, i am Thankful.



(weird way to restart blogging, but HI all the same!)