the (our) past;

my atuk :)

turn that frown upside down! :D:D

i think i have found the secret to living a happy life: good company, good food, and sufficient rest.

spent the whole day with 25 people whom i call family. call me a happy girl! :):)

Bergossip di Pagi Raya (unscripted)

starring: iman, syamil, syabil, & alif. not forgetting, mak long.
(ages 8, 6, 8, and 5 respectively)


ah, to be young. (:

you're better than a lighted candle in a dark room

I) in a line at a kenduri, getting free food;

me: sooo. are we related to the bride or the groom?
abah: beats me. *takes bowl of cendol gleefully*

II) during a late night drive, while listening to U2;



me: kalau we get to hear this song live, mesti rasa macam...macam...
mummy: macam nak terbang
me: yes, exactly.


this is exactly why i needed to come back home for the weekend

12:31 AM

sometimes i wonder when was the exact turning point, when things got "complicated".

emotions used to be easier, if such a thing could ever be said about emotions, but truth is, age just messes things up. when you were younger, and your mom never paid attention to your paintings instead gushed over your sister's, it was jealousy. when you got full marks on a test, it was happiness, and it was never about the wondering whether it was just a lucky strike, or a one time deal.

as you got older, and your dad got you a different kind of barbie doll with a red dress instead of the one with the blue dress you wanted, you were torn between feeling grateful and sad. it was confusing and conflicting but at least they were tangible enough to be named, like they came with their own nametags. easy, neat, and could be put away in a box and tucked away in the corners of your mind if you wanted to.

you see, i was never close to my great-grandmother. right since i was a small girl, the only word i could use to describe her was that she was "old". we never saw each other often, usually at kenduris or hari raya, occasionally we go back to her house to visit, but generally she remained a fleeting thought. i had trouble understanding what she was saying, because there was a gruffness in her voice which only came after you once you've lived close to a century. still, i looked forward to kissing her hand on hari raya, not expecting anything in return, no money packets nor funny comments about how much i've grown. in all the photographs i've seen of her, she never once looked different to me. she remained a constant in my life, never changing against the strong currents.

today we received news of her death, and i feel terrible because i just don't know what to feel.

lift your skinny fists like antennas to heaven

my dad expressed his plans to ditch his work and "do his own thing" during lunch. (my mum argued that "doing his own thing" is "okay" as long as it generates cash to keep the household afloat.) and from this i can make the assumption that he is:-

a) going through a mid-life crisis
b) insane. temporarily or otherwise.
c) hiding something from us.

so, um. if MARA suddenly combusts into thin air, i might need a place to stay.

PS:


i wish i knew this guy in real life.

g'day mate

genting was FUN, because
001. i got to spend the day with my family. it's been a while. :)
002. the adrenaline rushhh; i can't believe on the rides that i went on! i usually stay away from the scary stuff, like roller coasters or anything that involves my feet leaving the ground, but i'm glad i did because it was crazy exciting. but that doesn't mean my imagination wasn't all over town, thinking of ways the machinery could fail, flipping me into the air which ultimately results in death. that didn't happen, obviously. I AM ALIVE.
003. it was a nice reminder of the past. you see, we went on some little kiddy rides when i was 4 or 5, and i could totally identify which rides we went on, because i've seen the pictures from that trip for a million times without actually remembering the experience, so i'm glad i got to see those miniature trains and stuff (:


anywhoop, today i cleaned a little. because i don't want to leave for college (in two weeks. blah) and have my parents thinking, 'oh yay one less person to clean after. good riddance.' ok i doubt my parents would actually go good riddance but i've been feeling bad, lazing around all day y'know. it's difficult to explain. i want to do nothing since it's the holidays and everything but at the same time i don't want to feel like i'm burdening anybody. hence, the cleaning.

while i was washing the dishes i was singing out loud to a song that was on, and my neighbour gave me weird looks. that saddens me a little, people can be so uptight about the silliest things. i wish people would be more open to the little things in life and not look at them lowly, because it's always the simplest things that give you the most joy.

i feel

a friend's grandmother passed away this morning. from a third person point of view, someone who just happened to catch a glance of how their relationship was, i'd say they were pretty close with each other. closer than my grandmother and i would ever be, anyway.

it's silly, but everytime we go back to her house, i can't help but keep a little pinch of hope, an expectation that maybe this visit will be different. maybe this will be the turning point. she is my mother's mother after all, and i suppose everyone wants to feel that connection with someone they're so closely related to.

alas. this year marks the first time we spend hari raya in KL. it's a different feeling altogether, but at least i spent it with the people i love most in the world. that's something.



i have the urge to take a walk.

the day before YOUKNOWWHAT

in 24 hours, i won't even BE HERE. i haven't packed a thread, and i haven't even had the chance to improve my handwriting, which has been steadily declining in terms of quality, as pictured above. it feels weird, weird enough to make me wake up from sleep without the help of the alarm. amazing or what. oh yeah we got new fishes for the aquarium. hee.

i had a nice weekend, watched made of honour with nicole on saturday (movie's good, btw) which was funnn. and then my paternal grandparents came over to our house, kind of like a last visit of sorts. it was very nice of them. :) sunday relatives from my mother's side had lunch at our house, which was very, very, nice because i got to spend time with my little cousins. but i avoided my mother's mother grandmother, because we don't get along well (but she doesn't get that, which is ughtastic.)

here be a picture of me and nicole. WHY ARE ALL OF MY FRIENDS PRETTY AND SMART.

my cousins. alif and tisha, both of them found amusement in my sister's stuffed animals. they have a brother between them, but he was out in the den watching some stupid cartoom and didn't want to join in the photo shoot. later on in the day another flock of cousins came by, but the camera was MIA because they disturbed me from my nap, so no coolpoints for them. we did watch spiderman 3 on dvd and played some ball, though.

aww, isn't she a cutie pie? although, i have a feeling she's going to break a lot of hearts in the future.

and i mean that in the literal sense of the expression, OF COURSE.

OKAY OKAY so this post is just me, procrastinating the inevitable (packing) so i should go. we're going to the doctor's in a bit, to pick up some medicine in case i fall sick in college and i need some drugs ASAP.

one last picture, though.

bye.